999 and the pain & longing of men

999 –09 Dec 2017- New Cross Inn - The Sadness at the Heart of Saturday Night

The Pain Beyond the Mosh Pit

His face was the picture of a man in pain. He approached me as I stood outside the New Cross Inn on Saturday night, producing clouds from my vape.

“Dude, what can I do? There is a woman in there I fell in love with. It was love at first sight. She was sitting behind you”

“Err …” I was taken aback. I knew who he meant. She was black haired and a beauty. She gave off an air of indifference, her friend was shouting out for her favourite 999 songs, but ‘black hair’ wasn’t bothered.

“I approached her after the gig and introduced myself…” he paused, gasped, swallowed, his face assumed the original demeanour; anguish and self-loathing, everything is rotten in his world right now, and it’s on me to help him. We had met before the concert. He was good looking, had good hair and clearly was not a pauper, although he was not flashy or arrogant. “I had thought she would be interested in me, would see we are made for each other. I would give her anything…but.....”

The calm benevolent countenance vanished in an instant, and again he was battling the crushing defeat he was clearly beyond hiding. “She kind of turned away, she said hi and then she was gone. Apparently I amounted to as much..." he paused, now his whole body convulsed as if fighting some cancer of the soul, "as the proverbial flea. She went off to buy a T shirt, you were standing behind her.”

“Yes, I spoke to her” I was now desperately trying to think of something that would help, lift him from the darkness into which his mind was fast descending. “She was nice, she is English. She came with her friend…” this really was not good enough. The pitiful query, the eyebrows raised, the eyes searching me for a hopeful sign. “She was more interested in the T shirts than me…” I found myself trying self-deprecation as a pick-me-up. “She turned her head away so I was talking to her hair. She looked out of the window, which was steamed up, but more interesting than me, no mistake.

“I couldn’t get much out of her either. We are clearly of zero interest to her” I finished, groping for humour in the pit of despair.

With that he lurched sideways as if hit by an arrow. “What can I do?” he was pleading with me.  OMG, this was fast becoming a conversation way above my pay grade, which is low let me tell you. “Oh Christ I don’t know dude, try again, say something completely weird ?” “What?” he replied. “Tell her she is the greatest beauty in London”. “Right , OK” said he and he plunged back into the pub, emptying now the entertainment was over. What a stupid suggestion, I told myself. But then, what could I say. The raven haired woman was none the wiser. She wasnt to know how much longing had been invested in her by a stranger from across the room. It was as if she had applied the coup de grace by a flick of the finger, the condemned man to be dispatched to a lifetime of regret and emptiness, while she carried on with her Saturday night, blameless in her role, like a driver of a car crusher, not knowing the owner was still sat at the wheel, as the claws of doom squeezed the life out of the wretched, hopeless driver. 

I wandered off, puffing the biggest clouds ever produced in New Cross. Its not everyday a relative stranger approaches you with that kind of enquiry. The pain on his face was imprinted on my mind like a horror show climax; Carrie covered in blood, the revolving head in The Exorcist. What happened to the man? I cant tell you, but I fear the worst, as I think I saw them leaving earlier. What of 999? They were great, happy to share the mic with the bouncing crew at the front, great songs like Homicide and Nasty Nasty sent them bonkers. I loved them in 1977, glorying in the pounding dischord of the singles like Me and My Desire and Emergency.  I spoke to Nick at the T shirt stall. He wrote Homicide after watching shows like Kojak he told me. The BBC banned it. Guy the guitarist was equally friendly. They played to 12,000 people once, he related. Now they are touring again, with a different bass player after Jon Watson’s premature death. Never did I think I would associate them with one man's evident end. Stop the Clocks, in the 40 minutes it took to complete the set list, she was someone's East, West , North and South. Now all directions point downward. I wonder if the band's ever know of the turmoil that goes on, beyond the mosh pit.

November 2017 - New star is found in Millwall backstreets

INtox Extravaganza , Amadou & Mariam, Impressionists in London, Young Marx , Picasso, Death of Stalin

Theres too much to say and too little time to say it, so there will be no lengthy preamble about how few travellers on the Hammersmith & City Line refer to Treedown in their chats with strangers. Even I, Mr TG, failed to find a way to crowbar in a mention while amicably bantering with a football fan, between Baker St and Latimer Road.
"What team do you support, mate ?"
"Spurs"
"What the hell are you doing over here ferchrissakes?"
"We are on our way to Wembley...."
What was I doing there I hear you cry. I went to see a wonderful little production of "Picasso" by Terry D'Alfonso at the Playground theatre. Boy was it good, with a strong cast led by Peter Tate as Pablo, Clare Bowman (Marie Therese Walter), Adele Oni (Genevieve Laporte) and a terrific Spanish actress, Alejandro Costa as Jacqueline Roque, the final keeper of the keys to Picassos heart, and house. There was some fascinating scenes in which PP's obsession with harlequins was discussed, as was the recurring motif of the bull and the Minotaur. The three women took turns to have dialogues with the man in the middle, each one waiting for her time in his sun. Why it all happened in a sandpit was unclear, but the use of short films projected onto a screen behind the players was clever and illuminating.
Closer to home, to the new Bridge Theatre for Young Marx with Rory Kinnear as a rogueish Karl in impoverished circumstances in soho. There was a definite attempt to lighten the load on the audiences cerebellum, with few revolutionary dialectics, but plenty of hiding in cupboards and a few mock fights and drunken songs. It was all pretty lightweight but the new theatre is a wonder.
Intox Extravaganza at the DIY Space was another success with more in attendance than last time. As well as Simon Yorkshire's Nightmares on Old Kent Road, we were treated to a young Japanese performer who was all business - Sera Eke

. As well as being a great performer and presence, she had some incredible songs that rocked and grooved with accompanying videos projected behind her. Im not sure about the quotes from Sylvia, Plath, Einstein, Sartre and more, but this girl has serious star potential. Sera , get a live band, drop the philosophy - its too much to take in - concentrate on the serious songs and you should go far. The new single was called "Coo coo coo" and the film followed a pigeon on its travels around London. Was this a sop to the masses as Marx might have called us? If so, stop ! Never talk down to your audience, even in Millwall.
Finally , two disappointments. Death of Stalin was neither comedy nor thriller. If everybody looks shit scared all the time, it just grates. Once Joe dies, - not giving too much away I hope - Steve Buscemi slowly takes over as Kruschev. I could have cared less...Impressionism In London at Tate Britain. massive groups descended and one can only hope the Tate is making pots of money, seeing as it costs £20 per ticket. There are some sweet Tissots & Monets but the Pissaros were all familiar from the National Gallery / Corthauld, except the garish attempts at pointillism which were distinctly second rate. The best painting was by a new artist on me; Nittis. A huge canvas given a wall to itself, it was a super atmospheric depiction of Parliament from Westminster bridge, with some local men smoking their pipes in the foreground. There was so much smoke, they could have been vaping.
The best concert of the year, no, the last 20 years ; Amadou and Mariam at the Troxy. The whole place was just rocking joyously, what a magnificent set, atmospheric, mysterious and hugely enjoyable. I paid my usual visit to the London Jazz festival, this time taking in Miles Mosley at Islington Trade Hall.

He is Kamasi Washington's bass player, and the crashing drummer was familiar from the concert I saw last year at the Albert Hall - second best concert of this millenium. Apparently the group laid down hundreds of songs in a month in the studio. Miles Mosley is a born front man and bowed and plucked his way through a fun set.

Autumn 2017 round up - Art at 180 The Strand, bands OCD & Jord,+ TV Curb, Snowfall , The Deuce + PK Dick

Music Since the last time we addressed you dear readers, acts we've seen were many , but none were better than the incredible band I saw on Friday Oct 20th at the New Cross Inn. This fine establishment is not usually on the Treedown Track. I go past it but rarely do I descend into its dread bowels of noise torture that pounds from within, a punk band often is on stage and I give it a wide circle, not wishing to end up like Ozzy Ozborne or many others and needing a hearing aid to combat the ear damage super loud gigs can cause.Jord were licking up a properly funky groove, playing a mix of original material and Fela Kuti covers. Zombie was wondrous and we were all begging for more when the music ended at about 11pm. There is not enough of this kind of funking afrobeat on the stages of Lewisham and Southwark boozers. Its the kind of music everyone can enjoy and dance to. Lets hope funky Friday is here to stay. More !

OCD - Olympic Clamp Down - pictured- were commanding the Montague stage on Sunday 22nd October at a benefit for a local legend. They have a lead singer who is a talented doppelganger for Peter Frampton in an alternative universe and  at their best, some of the songs were attention grabbing and well crafted.

ART - 180 Strand -Everything At Once with Lisson Gallery / Vinyl Factory - Until Dec 10
 Free to enter this soon to be offices space, the current show features Al Weiwei, Julian Opie and Anish Kapoor. There are many other contributors but these are my top 3, Al Weiwei has manufactured a wondrous wallpaper which must be seen to be believed. The detail and playful content is a riff on Homers Odyssey , mixing JCBs  with Roman centurions, and much else. His other piece, a gold tree branch was not so arresting or interesting. Julien Opie has contributed two pieces on the theme of driving on motorways. A  revolving animation on a tv screen of a continuous road is accompanied by a solid figure of eight model on the floor in front. Hmm. I prefer the portraits Julien.
My favourite piece was Anish Kapoors huge bell shaped installation on the first floor. It just about fits into the alotted space, suspended in mid air with the outer edges at bell's bottom close to the four walls. You cant really see how the object is secured above, but you can walk under its dome and look up. Tricks are played on your eyesight; you look into a void, the dimensions you have understood from outside are no longer discernible. No light is permitted to exist by whatever material coats the inside of the bell, so your senses are sent spinning. It has a similarly strange effect on your hearing, so your ears are confused by the unworldly audio effect the structure imposes. Remarkably clever and superbly installed, this piece cements Kapoors reputation at the top of the world art scene tree.
Needless to say there is much tedium to be encountered on your trip around this peculiar space, not least when you reach the roof terrace and the series of films on blaxploitation and oppression in the hut entitled Love is the Message, the Message is Death, by Arthur Jafa , in collaboration with Serpentine Galleries.. People have queued for up to an hour to gain entry apparently, perhaps due to some very OTT reviews. Take it from me, its a boring diatribe on a worthy subject, and its certainly nothing you have not seen before. More worthwhile is  Ryoji Ikeda’s newly commissioned A/V artwork test pattern [N°12], requiring visitors to remove their footwear before stepping onto the illuminating floor.

TV - Curb Your Enthusiam is back. Thank you Larry David. You have given me so many laughs you are a star like no other in the world of comedy. Its not just the cleverly plotting, the characters are all like long lost friends now returned to your circle. As for the subject matter, Larry has a lightness of touch which is not apparent, but allows him to touch on taboos like removing ones penis through a small trouser fly and going out with Salmon Rushdie to experience the thrill of danger that accompanies a man under a fatwa. As the duo are lusted over by the women in the restaurant, Larry gave Salmon the fantastic punchline "fatwa sex"as a pay off for the years of hiding and solitude a man endures after a Ayatollahs decree. Must see.
Fugitives - South American Crime drama - is this a first ? Fabulous action sequences, aerial shots and nasty, double crossing cops, this oozes pure tension as we roll up and down Chile and neighboring states.

The Deuce - David Simon and George Pelicanos gave us the Wire , then followed it with a very niche tale about jazz dudes in New Orleans, Treme. Now they have dropped us into the vice heavy world of mid 70s downtown New York, in the Deuce. The characters are all seedy and sleazy, from the streetwalkers and the pimps to the gangsters, cops and barmen. Its not easy listening , but the tale is evolving and you know one thing for sure, you dont know what is going to happen next. Maggie Gyllenhall stars as Candy, the female protagonist baring heart, soul and emaciated body, out for every dollar she can get.Male superstar James Franco commands the bar around which most events revolve, not least because he plays two characters, one hard working bar manager Vinnie and his gambling loser twin Frankie. Worth a look.

Electric Dreams  New season of half hour films allegedly based on PK Dick stories, quality has been patchy to say the least. The first two episodes were uninvolving, the third with Timothy Spall as a grandad dealing roughly with a teenager in the house was woeful. What annoyed me most was not the crumby, lame idea of people getting off a train in the middle of nowhere, only its where a station used to be before the war. The time travelling aspect has no basis or explanation - it just happens . When Spall ends up sitting on a bench and is transported back to happier times, the schmaltz was degrading to behold. What was worse, PK Dick never did corny sentimentalism. Phil would be revolving in his grave at a fair rate if he knew about this travesty, which is apparently cashing in on the release of the new sequel to Bladerunner, surely the greatest film adaptation of a Dick short story. I feel faintly nauseous contemplating this TV debacle, goodness knows what Phil would have made of it.

Snowfall - The latest TV import from USA - Snowfall - has John "Boyz in the Hood" Singleton's fingers in every part of the production pie. A youngster from the wrong side of the tracks has found his way into a bohemian, moneyed world of porn, pool parties and coke. He starts to deal kilos on consignment to a vicious lady kingpin in her club. When he returns to do a second deal, two kilos are apparently put on the table and tasted in front of all and sundry to witness. So when he comes to grief as he saunters off with thousands of dollars in his backpack, the only surprise is we are meant to believe anyone would be stupid enough to do such a thing in the first place. Like so many of these crime dramas - Dr Foster, Tin Star, etc , we have to ignore the most far fetched coincidences, accidents and daft behaviour for the plot to work. I will go along with this,  knowing its based on a ludicrous coke deal, conducted in full view of a nightclubs' patrons. Only the stupidest in this universe survive, apparently.

Next month - Bladerunner 2049, Miles Mosley + Kamasi Washington, DIY Space all dayer Nov 11

TrailerTrashTracies - Top of the Sci-Fi Pops + Personal Shopper

Music of the 2017 Summer – TrailerTrashTracies – Simon Yorkshire's All Dayer at DIY Space SE14- with Lofe, Ted Milton, Elliot Galvin, Rabbit, MeinHaus, Yorkshire vs Essex

“Where have you been , old bean?” ”No news from Treedown Gotobed world !”  The cries ring out on the cities footpaths, nightbuses , on the Jubilee line. As they change at Surrey Quays,wait to link to the Overground forever crawling to its destinations. Often not heard southbound for Croydon, Clapham Junction, Crystal Palace or northwards to Dalston and beyond, the traveller questions the stranger. Have you heard the Bakerloo is being extended from Elephant to New Cross Gate along the Old Kent Road. Oh Yeah ? When does it open? Oh, in about ten years time ! Oh FFS ! What does it say on Treedown? Peckham Peculiar, SE1 forum? 

There has been plenty of music to behold in this traffic jam junction of SE(14) London. The best was at the Montague, last week. I wander in, there’s about 12 people watching the band, August is the slowest month. But TrailerTrashTracies are special. The young vibes player gives the mellow mood the extra element, the something special, the goddamned X factor. This lot have got it and you would be best advised to listen. So I did, and there is so much of interest to get your ears around. I then got the CD, Althaea, released through Domino. Its wondrous at times; cross Goldfrapp with Lana Del Ray with Bobby Hutcherson laying down the top line tunes, with synth pop & electronic percussion filling on top of a slow drum and bass bed. Eden Machine is a suave warning about clones, and much of the CD is filling a sci-fi void in the music world. Well why not? Havent you heard enough love songs? They aren’t the finished article but they are not far from it. The female swoon washes a gentle groove across your mind, and the intricate backing track brings your brain to attention and then fills it with wonder. Pay attention, new band to seek.

Simon Yorkshire held an all-day music festival at the DIY space just off Ilderton road. Well attended, the acts were a cross section of what we regularly witness on the stages of the watering holes of Southwark & Lewisham. Elliot Galvin , Ted Milton & Sam on laptop – always entertaining – Lofe (local legends were many peoples best act of the day), MeinHaus, Rabbit, Yorkshire versus Essex and Simon’s other act, Nightmare on Old Kent Road all were weird and sometimes wonderful. There’s another event coming soon , keep your ears and eyes out .

TV – The State is currently on Channel 4. This has been a shocking tale of Brits going to Syria to join Isis, and the reality being somewhat to different to the idealised version of the struggle they’ve been lead to believe. The woman doctor who takes her 8 year old son is just one character among many who witness atrocities no person should see, let alone a young boy. Must see TV.

Film- Life, starring Jake Gyllenhall, was well done but ultimately disappointing because the tale of a nasty alien killing the crew of a spacecraft has been done before, not least by Ridley Scott years ago with Alien. The best film so far in 2017 has to be Personal Shopper, starring Kristen Stewart as an anguished American living in Paris, whose brother has recently died of a genetic heart condition. Surrounded by the accoutrements of her wealthy boss, her life is a strange mix of rushing from one designer shop to the next picking up clothes and bags worth thousands for her celebrity boss to be seen out in. She seems unimpressed by these things but at the same time she puts the glitzy dresses and shoes on when asked to break a rule by a mysterious suitor. The man contacts her by text, and then pushes her buttons and boundaries on and on to a bloody climax. All the while she is obsessed with contacting her brother in the afterlife. This movie works on many levels, held together by Stewart who is ever earnest but not dislikeably self-obsessed. Olivier Assayas already has some great movies on his cv. Carlos was superb and surprised me with how well it held together. The Clouds of Sils Maria was another classy arthouse movie from yet another top class French film maker. Watch it.

#TrailerTrashTracies #Simon Yorkshire #Lofe #Ted Milton #Elliot Galvin #Rabbit #MeinHaus #Yorkshire vs Essex

#Olivier Assayas #The Clouds of Sils Maria #Carlos

Glastonbury 2017 - Lorde ruled but who was the pits ?

Glastonbury 2017 by BBC IPlayer 40 acts to choose from; Lorde ruled but who was worst?

There are so many to acts to watch , the best thing about TV Glasto is you can go from stage to stage without having to walk a step through the mud and drunk on life ravers. Good job BBC.

The worst, its hard to pick between Ed Sheeran and Foo Fighters , but maybe Katy Perry snuck up and pipped them both. What on earth Russell Brand thought he had in common with Miss Plastic Fantastic is beyond me, but to actually marry the empty headed diva from another planet was a serious misjudgement dude. I know you regret it now Russell, but still, Ive got to pick you up on it.

Foo Fighters leave me cold but also confused. What is good about them? I asked my pals on Saturday night before our host left the room and I could switch to The Jacksons which we all enjoyed.

“I met him once” our host told us. “ He’s a really nice fella. He chatted and was really friendly, even though we had been introduced 4 hours earlier in the day”. Well OK, I’m sure he ( who? I dk) is great but the music , heavy metal hair and agonised faces , what is the point?

While we are on the subject of horrible sights of 2017, how about the bass player of Haim. The three girls (sisters?) line up and sing stop and start pop sings about wanting you back etc. But the gurning face of said bass player had us in hysterics;agony, ecstasy, pain, more pain, then mouth wide open and just held open for minutes. What is up love, is the record stuck? Its not that hard, and its not that good, so get over it. 
A word re Tom Yorke of Radiohead. He appears to have found a cure for the droopy eye, but the creepy hair has been combed and tied into a sorta manbun. WTF, have you moved to Hollywood or just gone all rockstarry? The set didnt work, it ground away, the same depressing stuff with highlight "No Surprises" being just that. Time for a new direction fellas. 

So what was good? Lots of folk liked Liam Gallagher. I cant stand Oasis but Ive warmed to Liam over the last month. I wouldn’t watch the set though. Chic, yea OK, but better in a dance room. No there was only one performer who utterly ruled, Lorde. What a fabulous set, the backing vocals were sublime, the harmonies just glorious. The music is clever, new and rocking. And the songs, well she is really special. Tennis Court, Buzzcut Season, Green Light, Sober were magnificent. My moment of Glasto 2017 has to be when she did Royals. The crowd seemed to grow and get more and more involved. By the end the adulation and roar was huge. Lorde – without doubt Pure Heroine was my record of 2016 and it looks like 2017 will belong to the short girl from Auckland, New Zealand. 

Must see TV - June 2017 - Better Call Saul - Veep - Versailles

Must see TV Shows Summer 2017 - Is Bob Odenkirk the weak link in Better Call Saul?

"Its been quiet over there in Treedown world" many people are rarely heard to say on Boris’s cable car ride to nowhere. Is it because the nights are short and hot, or is it due to exceptional TV viewing keeping our writer from the laptop face? Well, Netflix is having a boom time in TG domain now I am truly hooked on ‘Better Call Saul’ Series 2.

Where Series 1 was slightly direction less and unsure of itself – is it a comedy with nasty sub plots or vice versa? Series 2 has the Breaking Bad team giving it their full attention. And we now have two evolving plot lines with Mike taking on Hector’s Mexican cartel, and playing fast and loose with some seriously dangerous characters. Jimmy is still the eternal lawyer with a desire to fail, even though he has a fabulously talented lawyer girlfriend called Kim Wexler. Jimmy is hard to like and its typical of Vince Gilligan to base this spin off series around the worlds biggest loser. One of Breaking Bad’s greatest bad guys has already banged heads with Mike, and although Tuco is locked up for many episodes, his uncle Hector is out to threaten all witnesses – well Mike – so Tuco doesn’t have to do too much time. The whole is thing is barreling towards more carnage and another edge of the seat denouement, to be followed by Series 3, already announced in the States.

There is one tiny thing that troubles me about BCS. No, its not that the character called Saul is yet to appear. What Breaking Bad proved beyond everything, the brilliant plot of one mans plan to make a quick buck out of the drug trade snowballing out of control. Like an avalanche the story sweeps all before it, the friends and family of Walt are dragged into the vortex and are forced to change or leave. The fabulous setting, the clever use of music and editing. Above all, it was the casting that was truly amazing. How did they know Brian Cranston was a leading man with so much charisma and gravitas? His main claim to fame was playing the bumbling Dad in a comedy aimed at kids. So when I tell you I have serious doubts about Bob Odenkirk in the main role, you have to question why would they cast an actor who seems to have so little range. One moment he is playing the grifter, tricking travelling salesmen out of their savings. The next he is admitting committing fraud and felonies to a foe, all because he has really got a heart of gold. Believable? No. Would another actor make it work ? Fassbender, Hardy, Gyllenhall, Ryan Gosling ? Err yes, Ryan Gosling would be better. A lot better. So why base the whole series around Odenkirk? Vince Gilligan is a clever fella, so I am going to look for the answer spending some more time thinking on it. Unless any of you voyagers on the cable car can help ?

Now on BBC2,‘Paula’ is two episodes in and has followed ’The Fall’ in using Ireland as a backdrop for some nasty scenes involving violence against women. But the pace has been unrelenting and the tension grips like a vice.

Jamestown is preposterous fun with the boat load of women newly arrived in the European claimed American lands causing havoc everywhere they go. The arch toff “Lady in daft hats” knows no true emotions, but schemes and manipulates everyone stupid enough to listen to her.

“What is this I hear about a map of buried treasure, governor?”

“I don’t think you should worry your pretty head about it, lady”

“But its so much more fun than farming …”

Max Beesley is on his way back from Indian lands with a burnt face that must smart. Its like goo to look at but doesn’t seem to bother him any. I thought he might not be dead when he got blown up, because, well, because his character is played by Max Beesley!

Comedy is not in its heyday, but I guess it’s hard to be funny in these times of the PC police and Trump clodhopping about the world like a giant marshmallow, with a smaller marshmallow in his head for a brain. Thank goodness for Veep – now in its sixth season, still as brilliantly cynical and hilarious as ever. , If you want to have a laugh, do not be put off by the subject matter. The American president (POTUS) and Vice President (VP or Veep) really are rich pastures for sharp writers and producers like Armando Iannucci.

‘3 Girls’ was gripping and a superbly well done drama about the grooming of young girls by a group of Asian men in Rochdale. The ever remarkable Maxine Peake stole the show and did so much with a small part as the sexual health worker who tried to alert the authorities about what was going on but was continually ignored.

Twin Peaks has returned after 25 years and is still mining the same weird worlds of Laura Palmer, Agent Cooper and little men who talk backwards/forwards in a parallel universe of red curtains and now a tree with a talking brain on one branch. These scenes were so much more powerful last century because they were used sparingly and held a tone of mystery and unease. Now they are longer and although superbly well done – the scenes with Laura Palmer were deeply strange and unsettling due to her undefinably unnatural way of walking, speaking and blinking – dont carry as much weight. Twin Peaks was masterful in its power to subvert and crush the sense of normality of the world in which it is set. Cooper has a dark side to his character which seems intent on evil doings in the twilight world of motels, runaways and hustlers. The other Cooper is still besuited and neat, but he inhabits the nether world of red curtains, and spends far too long running around with no purpose or end product. I am only up to Episode 2 so there is plenty of time for David Lynch to iron out any rough edges and let the weirdness really flow.

Finally Versailles has been great in the depths of depravity to which most of the action has sunk. Although Sun King Louis has apparently found God and has taken to the battlefield in Flanders as a sop to the almighty, you feel his heart, as well as his scene stealing brother, are still in drug filled Versailles. The Queen – pious and Catholic – has been left in charge and has outlawed fun, the parties and orgies continue, with the fabulously corrupt Chevalier chief organiser, and Madame de Montispan (a career high for new star Anna Brewster - now dominating all her scenes) defiant in the face of her adversary. One is chief Mistress Number 1, the other is Queen and wife. One gets the feeling they are both doomed as the court is brim full of young, eager arrivistes aristocrats with nothing but the aim of hitching a rich husband to concentrate on. This has been beautifully staged and has been packed full of down and dirty poisonings, stabbings, backs stabbings and wicked human behaviour of the most greedy and self-serving kind. Which always makes for great TV.

Cabaret Playroom - Deptford Albany

Cabaret Playroom at The Albany Deptford– 18-04-17

Curators Tricity Vogue and Lisa Lee have been running this twice yearly event for a fair few years in one of the small studios at The Albany in Deptford. It’s designed as a showcase for new acts and for more experienced performers to try new material out. Seeing as you pay what-you-decide is fitting at the end, you cant go far wrong by attending. Of course, I went close…

I have walked past The Albany many times going to or from Deptford High St. But finding it by car is not so easy, so I missed the first half which included cello player Mark Bunyan, the Naked Stand Up Miss Glory Pearl and Clare Benjamin trying out a new character called Marlene; she was still in character speaking in a German accent when we chatted in the interval. I was given a warm welcome by Tricity Vogue so I was horrified by my loathing for the opening act of Part 2 of the evening’s entertainment. Lord Hicks walked on sporting a bizarre costume which put in mind Malvolio and his yellow cross patch pantaloons Shakespeare invented for maximum laughs.

Such was Lord Hicks demeanor he took to the stage to silence. He had no patter or jokes to break the ice, just an apparent misguided self-belief in his brilliance and beauty. There followed three interminable songs accompanied by a ukulele including a version of a well known pop classic with new words referring to his main theme; the 50^th anniversary of the decriminalisation of homosexuality in England. Its all very worthy Lord, but funny or entertaining it aint. What is more, the whole thing went on far too long. We should have been given an opportunity to vote for a third song, in case the majority of the audience was experiencing feelings closer to being tortured instead of entertained.

This idea gained strength in my mind when the next act – a duo called Kate Like - went through a bizarre opening “number” which started as a silent mime of I know not what, and ended with the audience being asked to write down words on post it notes. They were collected on a board with fifty words required before the first song proper began. This included all the words collected. Why ? I don’t know !

It got better. Sarah-Louise Young is a super talented singer who has Kate Bush perfected, especially her voice. Babushka was performed with tweaks to the lyrics and introduced with a story from a fan who had posted it on social media. Matthew Floyd Jones was equally inspired in this mixture of mime, dance, music and song. Some of it worked, some of it fell flat; the first number was just confusing, but by the end they had won the audience and myself round. There was no doubting they are both talented performers who are at home on stage. When I remarked to Matthew afterwards that some of the Kate Bush stuff went over my head as I am not an expert, he explained the act is primarily about fandom and not Kate B. Fair enough, I look forward to seeing the long version when they have it finished. In the meantime he can be seen at the Brighton Festival and in his other role as the male Carpenter of the 70s AOR / MOR partnership. I just hope they don’t start the act with another word association game. They got some polite suggestions tonight, but Karen Carpenter might bring out the worst in people. Eating problems like anorexia often does that; there are funnier people to portray after all.

So that’s two depressing stories Ive remarked upon in this review of a Cabaret evening. I think there may be a better time and place for this kind of material. Cabaret is fun. It you aren’t fun and you aren’t funny, I suggest youre not a Cabaret act. Just listen to the song lads n lasses and you wont go wrong. Well, not far wrong anyway.

Elle

Elle –director Paul Verhoeven  2016

Isabelle Huppert is today's Euro superstar,  there is no actress like her, anywhere. Such are the extremes to which she will go, she was the only credible candidate to play the lead in Paul Verhoeven’s Elle. The book on which Elle was based - "Oh..." by Philippe Dijan - had already been spotted by Huppert, but she was not Verhoeven’s first choice. The Dutch director of Basic Instinct, Total Recall, Black Book and Robocop had originally intended to make the film in the US, but could find no actress to take on the lead. Once he relocated to Europe, Huppert was in, as was his luck. Had something similar happened in the development stage of Showgirls, a better choice of lead may have been forced on him and a different film may have resulted.

The character - Michelle Leblanc - is a new kind of woman she has said in the press. This is debatable, I would say she is a 21st century woman in control of her destiny, who has a unique way of dealing with disaster. Having been raped by a hooded intruder in her modernist home, she dusts herself down and carries on with her routine. She doesn’t cry, call the police or ring a friend. However, she does look at her work colleagues with suspicion when it becomes clear her attacker moves in her everyday circle. She tells her closest friends what has happened at a restaurant, but it is without emotion or need for sympathy. Such is the steely way she relates the events, it is apparent she can deal with such an outrage as another nasty problem, no more. Huppert radiates power, confidence, success and inner strength in another remarkable performance. So much of her emotional life is stored away inside; her face gives little away. Such is her charisma, you can believe she would do some of the more bizarre things in the plot, like go into a basement to see a new boiler with the chief suspect. Nevertheless, you do have to wonder why she would do such a thing.

This incredible film is up there with the best of both Huppert and Verhoeven’s careers. It works like a mirror on the audience, how you react depends on you and your values. A panellist on Radio 4's Front Row condemned the film for the way she doesnt report the rape to the police. The other panelists found themselves apologising for having praised it. Leblanc has a thoroughly modern life, running a video game company which produces violent games laced with sexual imagery and dialogue. She has a complicated love life and a difficult mother who comes to a dinner party with her toyboy lover. She also happens to have been involved in a killing spree her father went on when she was ten. Normal she is not. Yet Huppert is mesmeric in this most difficult of roles. Having already triumphed in The Piano Teacher, Michael Hanneke's raw tale of sexual extremes and perversion, and Ma Mere, a less well received story of incest, Huppert is believable as the cold and controlling protagonist in Elle. Only Asia Argento could have carried this part off and still retain an audience’s interest without tittering or groaning in the wrong places.  This film is a must see that will revive Verhoeven’s reputation. Huppert's reputation is already gold plated, but she was nominated for an Oscar for her performance, so in some ways she has gained from this fortuitous partnership too.

Happy Meal Ltd - 100 Club 07-03-17

Happy Meal Limited (HMLTD) – 100 Club 7-03-17

Return of the Batcave ?– heaven forbid

I am old enough to know what I’m talking about when I tell you reader about the times of the Batcavists. I regularly frequented Alice in Wonderland at Gossips on Monday nights circa 1985 / 86. The Dr of the Medics fame would play all the music I most loved – The Stooges, T Rex, David Bowie, Lou Reed, The Monkees, Fire by Arthur Brown, Wheels on Fire by Jackie someone and then some more contemporary stuff like Bauhaus, The Saints, The Scientists. What he never played was Specimen, the band formed by the kings of the goths, the daftest, most outrageous darling, full make up and big hair group who were Batcave supremos. What a desperate bunch of non-starters. Sigue Sigue Sputnik came along, looked even more daft than the rest, and disappeared down the music industry plug hole never to be mentioned ever again. Until now.

Happy Meal Ltd are doing all of the above, all over again. The singer wails, postures, strips off to his PVC trousers, wails some more and the rest do much the same while playing an instrument. When the first songs chorus is “Choo Choo Train, get on the Choo Choo Train “ you know the night is not going to bother the cerebral cortex too much. And yet there is a willing crowd joining in, singing the words, moshing, surfing, loving it. The songs generally have a jungle beat lifted from Adam and the Ants Sioux warrior phase (Dog Eat Dog, We Are Family), and sometimes it sounds great. If only the songs would go somewhere. But they all seem to stop just at the wrong moment, pause, and then the groove goes again. Just as you are ready to let go , go with it, start to bounce, the song stops. Just as my legs propelled me skywards when I saw Adam and the Ants doing Cartrouble last year, this lot could do the same. They’ve got something, they just don’t seem to know what to do with it, yet.

Shame because there is a ready audience for a band who are a bit of a laugh and know how to play. HMLtd might get there, but at the moment they are a work in progress. It seems Sony music think they have got something having given them a record contract. There are some records and videos out there, check youtube. Well done the manager who swung that one, I would have run a mile if i were the record company . Just remember what happened to the Batcavists fellas, sunk without trace. Ditch the posturing, its desperate attention seeking and it was all done 30 years ago and everyone got egg on their expensive clothes. Thank god for the Stone Roses and Shoom, Frankie Knuckles and Bones. Acid House wiped the poseurs off the earths surface, no-one laments their loss, dont let it happen to you.

The Seven Acts of Mercy + Radical Sounds - 02-03-17

The Seven Acts of Mercy + Radical Sounds

No mention has been made so far on this oft talked about blog about a play I went to Stratford-Upon-Avon to see. Anders Lustgarten's The Seven Acts of Mercy’s main subject matter was the last days of Caravaggio – the revered painter and brawler.

We’d heard mainly bad things about the rock-hard benches at the Swan Theatre. However the seats in the Lower Circle were fine, although to have been at ground level in the stalls would have improved the experience two-fold. Located within the enormous main RSC theatre complex on the river, I was slightly green around the edges with envy regarding those going to see the Shakespeare play in the main theatre; Henry V.

The Seven Acts of Mercy started well with a darkly lit violent scene involving Caravaggio and an aggressor who had been sent by some dangerous Sicilian brothers to seek him out. They were after blood after the artist had killed one of their family while holed up on the island. Swarthy, vicious, swearing like a trooper, the famous artist dispatched him with a sword drawn warning, but also, he had been warned; his life was in danger. It was an effective opening, my mind was taken to a world of cutthroats and thieves, lurking in the shadows and doorways of Naples back streets.  Every time the action returned to 16^th century Italy, my interest revived.

But the play was mainly set in the present day, centring around a grey haired Scouser and his grandson, the elder endlessly educating the teenager on the rights and wrongs of the universe according to SWP doctrine. Need;ess to say it was dry as a bone but there was some humour; the biggest laugh of the night was at the start of part two, after the interval. His prodigal son has returned and the three generations of the family are watching a football match on TV. The son is a baddy because of his job, but far worse is the fact he is a Liverpool fan in the midst of Evertonians. Grandfather then goes into a speech in which he compares each political party to a football team. “Ukip are Chelsea “ he announced to great laughs. Eh ? How do you work that out? Man Utd were the greens, City were Lib Dems and sin of sins, Liverpool were  New Labour. The scene went down well but I was seething, already bored by the tedium of this story overloaded with leftie lectures delivered in scouse. What this strand had to do with Caravaggio I had no clue - but i am told it was to do with using street people as models for his mainly classical paintings, as was the case in the present as the young lad took pictures of other characters on his phone, The play has far more scouse than Italian art and I was completely bored well beyond the end. Its one thing to ram political views down the audience’s necks, but to alienate so many by insulting so many teams seemed crass in the extreme.

Radical Sounds at Senate House 02/03/17

Orlando Harrison did a great job organising this interesting event in a large lecture hall in Senate House. The sound quality was spectacular, especially used well in the last segment regarding Baader Meinhoff. The sounds went round the room using a quadrophonic set up skilfully, and when O took to the synth, playing along live, we were momentarily in the realms of gorgeousness. A soundscape accompanies words and a picture, Huey Newton of the Black Panthers was the main subject of another section of words and sounds.

Some of the poetry reading left me cold, but a ranting and shaking man from Berlin battled his nerves and delivered some well worked scenes from Kreuzberg's squatter scene. It seems the urban guerrillas are still manning the barricades in  2017 Berlin. There was also a display of LGBT, anarchist and revolutionary literature upstairs, for which we had to register and become day visitors to the library. I counted over 100 people in the audience, many of whom were experts in sending bad vibes and the evil eye to others who were trying to enjoy the experience by having some fun. Fun ? No sir, revolution is a fun free zone. Don’t you know that ?

Impressionism and Modern Art Spring Sale - Sothebys

Sotheby's Spring auction started March 1 - Christies began Feb 28 and runs until March 8
Update after March 1 - Magritte and Klimt go for almost £50m in record breaking day (see below preview)

The main auction houses deliberately hold their major auctions on the same day and at the same time. Not just to be difficult, but to make it worth the big spenders from the east time to come to London during the dreary months. So what if a tycoon fancies something from each sale while they are running simultaneously? Hmm, quite a dilemma.

You would need to be keen to run from Sothebys to Christies. We sauntered, chatted, had a coffee and I puffed on a vape until i found someone with a lighter and immediately had a ciggie while averting my eyes from the hideous picture on the uniform pack. By the time we arrived at Christies front door we were only allowed to watch people exiting. The huge posters of two Le Corbusiers and a Matisse and other fabulous looking works only wetted my appetite for more. The Matisse went for over £8m earlier tonight - (28 -02-17) during the first evening auction.
Sotheby's first auction starts on March 1. Theres a mixed bag including a late (1964) Picasso which has a stupendous estimate of only £1m . Bargain !
Sotheby's have produced a very interesting short film about the Plante de Tomates which was produced during WW2. This is expected to go for over £15m, and looking at it in person you can see why. Although I find the hidden meaning attributed to it tenuous, it is clearly a beautifully produced masterpiece. Just as Van Gogh's Sunflowers are said to be indicative of his disturbed frame of mind, the expert suggests the Tomato Plant is symbolic of the dark times in which it is produced, and also the better days expected to come.
Three more Picassos were displayed in their own room, with the Tomato Plant in another room, hung on the opposite wall to a Modigliani portrait of a young man  (Portrait de Baranowski). These are all expected to go for around £10m . As is the Klimt entitled "Bauerngarten", hung on a third wall of this 'stars of the show' room.
In the main room, two Basquiats (see pic) were hung alongside a large Warhol which had a double exposure effect - despite being a painting. My favourite work, a huge Basquiat with a vibrant red emblazoned on a figure with stick arms and fingers held in the air; "One Eyed Man or Xerox Face" 1982 - estimate £14m - £18m. It is pictured below with members of Picasso & Matisse Lovers London group beside.
This work goes under the hammer on March 8 so you may still have time to see it before it disappears into a wealthy persons private world .

Update #1 - After the first auction 2/3/17

Plante de Tomates - 1944 - went for £17m - 12.5% over the top estimate of £15m. Most of the big hitters performed in the same way ;-
Modigliani -  Portrait de Baranowski = £16m
Picasso - Portrait de Femme Nue Assise = £13.65m & Portrait de Femme Assise dans une fauteuille sur fond blu = £12m
But one picture went way beyond, way, way beyond. Like last year, it was a Klimt that the big boys came for in a really big way. Estimated to sell for £15m tops, the hammer eventually fell at an incredible £47.9m ! Entitled "Bauerngarten", the multicoloured bed of flowers is from 1907, painted during the Belle Epoch in Vienna with which he became synonymous. It is certainly an unusual work for the great portrait artist; it has great beauty and a mysterious quality which is perhaps what lifts it into the stratospheric realm it now resides. It may have hidden depths, people were rhapsodising about it as I looked on, but I didnt think it was as special as certain collectors clearly do. The experts at Sotheby's had given it the full marketing treatment, but they would have been pleased with it being the top seller of the day, as it was hung in the same room & manner as the Tomato Plant and Baranowski portrait. To me, this is what makes viewing paintings in this environment so special. The significance of the art work can radically shift from one day to the next. This is an unmistakable sign that Klimt values are going to climb ever upwards, just as a similar record price achieved at Christies for a Magritte signals the same thing for the Belgian surrealist.

Kiefer's Walhalla at White cube, Gavin Turk at Newport St

Gavin Turk at Newport Street Gallery + Anselm Kiefer – Walhalla at White Cube SE1

The best of 2016 – at the start of 2017

The best of what ive seen in 2016 – quite a lot of art shows, not enough plays, gigs and movies…too much TV !

The best art shows 2016 – I would love to have made it to Den Bosch for the much heralded exhibition of Hierynomous Bosch works at his birth place. Clive Anderson mentioned it on Front row and said it was worth the trip, even though The Prado reneged on its commitment to send the phantasmagorical “Garden of Earthly Delights”- his best known masterpiece. Oh well, Madrid here I come.

London is a great place for art lovers. The Tate is constantly reaching for new heights, which is keeping the competition on their A game. My most disliked show of the year ; Abstract Expressionism was at the RA and had so many admirers. Today I went to The Newport Road Gallery for the new Gavin turk show. I was amazed to see a room of Pollocks, accompanied by the photos of him pouring the paint on to the canvas on the ground, as seen at the RA.

“Is this a Gavin Turk show or a Jackson Pollox show ?” I ask an attendant.

“No, It’s Gavin Turk, it just looks like Pollocks…” she replies.

“Err, yes ,I could have told you that”, quick as a flash, I counter.

“Look at the signatures” she says to my back as I take my leave.

“Blimey, they are just like the originals” I told my buddy. “He looks just like him in the pictures as well”.

Gavin Turk is not only a great artist, he is a good impressionist, and his humorous works generally work, without the joke wearing thin and grating. A difficult trick to pull off. I enjoyed the room devoted purely to a blue plaque dedicated to himself. The Sid Vicious in a Perspex tank is a nod to the host's most famous work – Damien Hirst’s Shark in a tank – “The impossibility of living ….etc“ or is it called “1000 years “? I love Hirst titles.

There are some skilful models like Tussauds waxworks. We were staring at one; A Captain Birdseye type with HMS Ulysees emblazoned on his hat, when it suddenly burst into laughter. Another waxwork – Turk again looking like a tramp, is standing in the middle of the floor, you have to look twice when you walk past. Cool, clever and fun, the self-absorption seems playful rather than self-obsessed, which is how Sarah Lucas’ shows leave me feeling.

“This is the best yet” declares Chris. “And this gallery is fantastic”.

“I liked the Jeff Koons, the artist was impressed with Hirsts’ collection on the TV show they did together.” But yes I agreed, this is the best show so far in this fledgling space, even though parking around here is a whole new experience of one-ways leading to cul-de-sacs leading to estates with strictly no parking signs everywhere you look. All in a zone so quiet you only see learners and the odd Parcel Force van driving around all day.

In stark contrast, I leave my Hornet directly outside The White Cube on Bermondsey St when I visit the Anselm Kiefer show, Walhalla. Forget fun and laughs, this is as heavy a show – literally and metaphorically – as you are likely to see in London this month. A dimly lit corridor is filled with empty beds, the lead covers turned back as if the occupants have popped off somewhere. The galleries are often staggering in the scope, ambition and often stunning finish and effect of the works they contain. Huge works fashioned from lead, shellac, clay and acrylic paint hang from the walls, often depicting a smashed and destroyed urban landscape. Post war German cities come to mind as the bombed out buildings seem to be smoking following a recent shelling. Piles of bicycles and beds are contained in Perspex display tanks. A row of lead dresses hang from a rail in another, then an upside down tree almost touches the ground in the next work. The inventive use of these most difficult, obdurate and unbending of materials to work with is a marvel to behold. The artistic beauty of some of the pictures, with metallic blues and yellows adding to the effect of decay and destruction lends ever more power to this incredible show. Valhalla was a way into the Viking afterlife, the Valkyries were the women who accompanied the dead on their journey. A spiral staircase disappears into  the ceiling of the gallery, the clothes hanging from the steps a clue to the intended meaning of the Germanic titles of the works.

A must see, the best of 2016 ? Kubrick at Somerset House was great fun, as was Art Night by the ICA. Picassos portraits were a treat, but this show would have beaten all comers. Well, art world of 2017 ? You’ve got 51 weeks to go. Lets see what you’ve got .