Dancing Thru the Blitz - When Paula Yates saw Lucy Worsley with Jools Holland

The Scene - Gods waiting room - Jools Holland has gone behind the red drapes and met the short man speaking in tongues - a la Twin Peaks...
"Whoooot refru fang yaaan tu ...."
"Um , I'm here to see Paula , she sent for me " says Jools.
"Ooo Kay...go ..." he points onward.
Jools enters a grand room, all huge Ming vases , fancy flock wallpaper and gold trimmed mirrors. A huge bed is centre stage, with Paula, in her finest peroxide blonde era, knee length taffeta gown and Loboutin heels , propped up in the middle by a mound of duck down pillows.
" Jooools " she shreeks, delight and fun pitched high into the rooms spaces. " How lovely to see you again ".
"Paula, its great to see you and everything, but its not my time yet...is it ..."
"Whaaat, no, just think of yourself as a visitor, my friends will show you out. Now, come and sit down, i need to have a teensy word in you ear..."
"OK Paula, "
"Now," she pats the bed in the space between them, coquetish looks and fluttering eyelashes ensue. Suddenly her face transforms into a rage ...
" What are you doing in the same programme as that dreadful, horrid, boring, ugly style-free bell-end i saw on tele last night?"
" Err, you mean Lucy?"
"Yes, I never thought you, style icon and cool chappy on my fave ever programme - The Tube---along with me of course"...cool, flirty Paula returns for an instant..."would ever lower yourself to share screen time with such a hopeless, attention seeking, useless uber UNCOOL lemon as her! How many times can a woman disgrace our sex on TV? She even gets herself doubled up, like a nitemare reflection in the ugly mirror !"
"Paula, things have changed ...."
"I'll say ! Who does she think she is, me? Who was who said I was the thinking man's goddess of the airwaves? "
"Um, was it you ? "
"Jools, you always are so naughty " she giggles. "Every time I turn to the egghead channels, there she is. And every series she puts herself in dead centre. If its about olden times homes, bedrooms and W/Cs, there she is, lying on a four poster or sitting on the hole in the castle wall, knickers round her ankles, acting out a dump as performed by Anne Boleyn in 1456....or whenever it was."
"I think your dates are a bit mixed up, Paula"
"Well at least I had a few dates. I seduced more rockstars on live TV than she has had Tinder matches. And I bet they are balding men who have had a freedom pass for years. My men were the right side of 35 and they were hot !"
"Lucy is alright."
 "She is the saddest sack of spuds Ive seen since Muriel Gray tried to win the egg n spoon race at Pixeys sports day in 85. Now go back, quit immediately , and Jools, spare us your singing while youre about it ! Foxes on heat are more tuneful than youre sorry efforts !"
"OK Paula, you re the boss !"
"Yes I am, and try to hang out with Cara Delevigne and Katey Moss, not some hopeless case from the swots class! Now go , and dont darken my door for 20 years, or I will set Bob on you !"
"OK Paula. Bye Paula."
Exit Jools, fade to red.

True Detective Season 2 Review - with Spoilers 
Nic Pizzolatto - where did it all go wrong?

Having written in defense of the much derided second series of True Detective, I feel like Ive got egg on my face. I argued the fantastic first series had earned our respect and time, hoping it all would be worth it. The 90 minute denoument did not deliver in so many ways.
Colin Farrell as the main male character, conflicted, self loathing bent cop Ray, he seems to be all about his ginger haired, podgy and uninterested 10 year old son. Having survived so many shoot outs, and with freedom, the girl and the money a 30 minute drive to the port away, he puts it all in peril just to take a last look at the boy, in the playground at school. You know, as he pulls off the freeway, that this is a fatally bad move. Sure enough, he returns to the car to see a transponder's red light flashing under the door, and petrol all over the road. Why then does he get in and press on ? Are all his options now used up ? I guess so. But why do it in the first place? This has not been Colin Farrell's finest hour - he has been OK in "In Bruges" and Terence Mallicks tale of Indians and white men trying to come to terms with each other, "The New World". You cant blame him for signing up to follow in Matthew McConaugheys footsteps. His role as Rust in series 1, along with the fabulous Dallas Buyers Club, redefined his career. How to go from lame romcom crumpet to serious, charisma zone central, look at those two roles. It has not worked that way for Farrell.
Nor has it worked for Vince Vaughn. Stuck in career limbo land like MM had been, he may have hoped this role as gangster number 1 Frank, would relaunch him as a cool actor. Afraid not. The character was an anachronism; a stuffed shirt macho man of suits and ties, trophy girlfriend and must win every showdown - never back down values. The thing is, he is operating in the new world of internet crime, Mexican desperadoes and Russian money. If you want a 2015 version of a crime lord, just look at Gus in Breaking Bad. That is original. Frank's comeuppance is so predictable, but the way he refuses to take his suit off and gets stabbed and left to die in the desert, seems so unnecessary. Give the man the suit and walk away . Its worth backing down to have your life spared. His denoument is nearly as painfully drawn out as his parting with his girlfriend , played by Kelly Reilly.
"Just go, I will see you in two weeks..." he tells her.
"No, I wont leave you". It goes on and on. Kelly Reilly - one question; what made you take such a lame duck role ? You have gone down in Hollywood's list of powerplayers and desirable actors to sign up, like Vaughn.

Rachel Mcadams was the star of the show as Ani. The finale seemed to side line her from the action. Someone needed to tell writer Pizzolatto to give her more to do. She could have gone and found out what happened to the missing kids and diamonds. Instead she twiddled her thumbs in a motel room while the two remaining male protagonists tried to take on the bad guys on their own. The last episode had ended so stunningly with the really bad cop shooting our new hero, as played by Taylor Kitsch, in the back. "No !" we cried. But the finale, with the twists of the plot so often resolved by someone telling someone else what had happened, never reached these heights of audience involvement.
If you have run out of money, time or inspiration, cut it short. I still hope we get a series 3, but keep it simple, stupid. This take on California noir added so little that was new to the genre. Chinatown and LA Confidential did it so much better, not to mention the daddies of the genre; The Maltese Falcon and The Long Goodbye. Chandler or Hammet you are not, Mr Pizzolato. Be yourself, but better.