Dancing Thru the Blitz - When Paula Yates saw Lucy Worsley with Jools Holland

The Scene - Gods waiting room - Jools Holland has gone behind the red drapes and met the short man speaking in tongues - a la Twin Peaks...
"Whoooot refru fang yaaan tu ...."
"Um , I'm here to see Paula , she sent for me " says Jools.
"Ooo Kay...go ..." he points onward.
Jools enters a grand room, all huge Ming vases , fancy flock wallpaper and gold trimmed mirrors. A huge bed is centre stage, with Paula, in her finest peroxide blonde era, knee length taffeta gown and Loboutin heels , propped up in the middle by a mound of duck down pillows.
" Jooools " she shreeks, delight and fun pitched high into the rooms spaces. " How lovely to see you again ".
"Paula, its great to see you and everything, but its not my time yet...is it ..."
"Whaaat, no, just think of yourself as a visitor, my friends will show you out. Now, come and sit down, i need to have a teensy word in you ear..."
"OK Paula, "
"Now," she pats the bed in the space between them, coquetish looks and fluttering eyelashes ensue. Suddenly her face transforms into a rage ...
" What are you doing in the same programme as that dreadful, horrid, boring, ugly style-free bell-end i saw on tele last night?"
" Err, you mean Lucy?"
"Yes, I never thought you, style icon and cool chappy on my fave ever programme - The Tube---along with me of course"...cool, flirty Paula returns for an instant..."would ever lower yourself to share screen time with such a hopeless, attention seeking, useless uber UNCOOL lemon as her! How many times can a woman disgrace our sex on TV? She even gets herself doubled up, like a nitemare reflection in the ugly mirror !"
"Paula, things have changed ...."
"I'll say ! Who does she think she is, me? Who was who said I was the thinking man's goddess of the airwaves? "
"Um, was it you ? "
"Jools, you always are so naughty " she giggles. "Every time I turn to the egghead channels, there she is. And every series she puts herself in dead centre. If its about olden times homes, bedrooms and W/Cs, there she is, lying on a four poster or sitting on the hole in the castle wall, knickers round her ankles, acting out a dump as performed by Anne Boleyn in 1456....or whenever it was."
"I think your dates are a bit mixed up, Paula"
"Well at least I had a few dates. I seduced more rockstars on live TV than she has had Tinder matches. And I bet they are balding men who have had a freedom pass for years. My men were the right side of 35 and they were hot !"
"Lucy is alright."
 "She is the saddest sack of spuds Ive seen since Muriel Gray tried to win the egg n spoon race at Pixeys sports day in 85. Now go back, quit immediately , and Jools, spare us your singing while youre about it ! Foxes on heat are more tuneful than youre sorry efforts !"
"OK Paula, you re the boss !"
"Yes I am, and try to hang out with Cara Delevigne and Katey Moss, not some hopeless case from the swots class! Now go , and dont darken my door for 20 years, or I will set Bob on you !"
"OK Paula. Bye Paula."
Exit Jools, fade to red.