Blood Orange - Iggy Pop stars in new Ibiza set movie

So what's it like? Whats he like ? Be honest I can hear you cry. He is very good  , but he should be seeing he is essentially playing himself ; a rock star living out his days in a chic villa in the Ibizan hills. He has bagged himself a sexy wife half his age (Kacey Barnfield in a "watch my career go stratospheric" role ), who spends much time swimming naked in the pool, and generally being sexy. One of the first scenes has the pool cleaner drooling as she majestically emerges from the water wearing only a blase expression. She has little to do but her presence is the catalyst for the plots tortured twists that follow.
Iggy has acted before, notably in a funny scene with Tom Waits in Coffee and Cigarettes where they famously dont hit it off. His first few lines are a bit clunky but he soon mellows into the part and is pitch perfect for the remainder. When he is not blasting the local rabbit population with his shotgun, he is often suffering in bed with various unexplained ailments, at least until the tawdry denoument. He has a deluxe studio set up in a upstairs room where he plays around a bit and pop pills, daftly washed down by the contents of a hip flask. Even rock stars have to kick the booze when they are on meds for serious diseases like cancer ( or leukemia). The real Iggy is glimpsed more and more as the tale progresses. he has to drive off somewhere, so its a Rolls Royce he leaves in, perfect for the windy lanes of Ibiza's mountains ! Theres a great POV shot that looks like vaseline has been smeared on the lens to give a sense of how little he can see through his cataracts.Iggy famously has driven a pink Rolls around Miami way for years. He is also having trouble with his legs ( and possibly hip) which means he walks with a pronounced limp. This is clear to see. His ailments in the movie maybe fictional, but Ig is paying for his wild ways now in later life.

The main thing though, is that he is still uber cool. He brings the disarming toothy smile to his dialogues with his wife's loathsome ex-boyfriend who turns up, digging for gold. Bill is all business, no small talk. Having invited Lucas to stay for dinner, his opening gambit is ; "You are either stupid or a idiot...."and proceeds to explain why his presence means one of the two.
"Why cant I be both" counters Lucas. Iggy laughs.
"Thats good, I like you. Stay the night and i will take you rabbit hunting tomorrow. Its good to hunt".
So begins the second half of this enjoyable melodrama.
The plot twists do descend into the absurd, but I was captivated enough not to let them worry me. When one of your protagonists explains how he wants to die, you know you have entered the world of make believe. It works in the cinema because Iggy is a great presence, and Kacey Barnfield is always his equal. Lucas is a nasty villain who has little to redeem him, so it is hard for Ben Lamb to shine. The last 15 minutes are pretty ridiculous, but Toby Tobias has done a great job directing such difficult narrative twists. Congratulations to everyone involved. You have done an incredible job getting Iggy to appear. Here's hoping the movie works on the small screen, although I do worry the twists may be just a bit too difficult for all but the most committed to follow.
Oh, I want to rent that villa, is it on Airbnb ?

Parents - keep your kids on a tight leash near roads , please

The horrible stories on Page 13 of todays Standard just about sum up the unpleasant side of life that can suddenly visit anyone in London. The main story tells of the" Madness of Knife Crime". Yet another youngster has been stabbed to death in South London. apparently Rukewve Tadafi - aka Peanut - was the fourth ex-pupil of Crown Woods College in Eltham to have been targeted. There must be plenty of whispers about rivalry from other kids who were there a few years ago. The other story is about a 8 year old running into the road and being hit by a car. The inquest says the driver was blameless. This made my blood run cold, because the same thing so nearly happened to me a few weeks ago.

Crossing the major junction in Camberwell on my motorcycle, I had reached the other side and must have been going at least 20mph. Out of nowhere a young boy ran into the road, directly heading for my path. His head was down, looking neither left nor right. Something made him stop and i brushed past him, with a rizlas width sparing him a broken limb, maybe worse, and me god knows what kind of hassle. Imagine what its like for the driver or rider to hit a child. Its natural for neutrals to blame you; it couldn't be the kid's fault, could it? Or the parents who were standing in the middle island like statues. I wobbled to a stop, my heart was going like the clappers. The relief was huge. The van driver who was behind me pulled up along side.
"Those parents should be flogged" he said.
" Christ, did you see that kid ?" I blurted.
"Mate, they should have a kid like that held tightly by the hand".
It was a good point. Was this the first time he had run into the road without looking or thinking? I doubt it. So you would think the thicko oiks would grab him while waiting for the light to turn green.
No sir. Not a murmur, not a thought. Just bumble on in your daft world, madam.The only accidents I have had on the bike in my 16 years of riding have been caused by pedestrians stepping into the road. There have been many close shaves with cyclists swinging out with the headphones no doubt blaring out. But I have been lucky.On the day a biker was apparently decapitated in Pimlico having been hit by a truck, one can just hope the luck doesnt run out on me.Wheres some wood.
It is also an irony that the successor to Mayor Boris has been voted in today.Johnson is the one politician who has truly done things that have improved my life. The day he allowed bikes to use bus lanes was a wondrous but obvious change for the good. Henceforth I have not been forced to ride a hairs breadth from the ongoing traffic heading at me. Biking became reasonably safe, not just a pastime for suicidal maniacs. The massive numbers of scooters, bikes and cyclists in London now has got to be down to this law, and the new Superhighways which look like they have been properly thought through. The nightmare junction at Oval is really good, I  hope the road works on Blackfriars bridge are equally as successful. The disruption to traffic around there has been mighty, not helped by the Crossrail station being built at Clerkenwell.
They have not all been a success. The weird arrangement going round the Oval cricket ground is hard to comprehend. The cyclists follow a purpose built track half way round. It then ends. The bikes have to cross into the bus lane. The bikers are forced back into the road with the trucks. All this with a right turn up coming that newcomers will not expect. How else do you get onto Kennington Lane if you are coming from Camberwell? Quite bizarre, but the timed signals allowing cyclist to go straight on heading for Stockwell from Elephant are really good.

 Lets hope the new mayor gets a grip of this major London problem - the traffic system. Has it ever been so? I remember Joe Strummer singing a line about it in 1978 ! There was not so much different stuff on the roads then, was there? But i bet 8 year old kids have always had a few dummys in the class!

Pope Head - The secret Life of Francis Bacon

Popehead - The Secret Life of Francis Bacon - Pentameters Theatre 07-04-16

Written and performed with vigour by Gary Roost, this one man show is a tour de force of pacey story telling and naughty innuendo. Roost takes to the stage of this tiny theatre near Flask Alley with no more than ten fellows for an audience. Why is such a well executed play so poorly attended? It must be the £13 admission fee that prevents more from abandoning Eastenders and a comfy sofa, to wander down to Pentameters Theatre in Heath St NW3, just behind the Horseshoe on Hampstead High St. I wouldnt have gone myself had i not got a ticket for much less from The Audience website.
Roost storms on at about 8pm, and he does not stop delivering anecdotes and performing dirty tristes in public places for the next hour. Gary had me howling with laughter half way through, when he projects Francis' warped way of thinking on getting his first show.

"I'll show them! all those fuckers who put me down and bullied me and slagged me off ....."
There follows a tragic tale of his boyfriend being found dead on the eve of his first major show in the UK at the Tate. He attends the opening with good grace and on best behaviour, but all the time he is crying out inside. Having told us of his two brothers early deaths, and his military father's regular thrashings of him, during the 90s he is struck by the cruel hand of fate on the eve of another major show, this time in Paris. His "bit of rough" boyfriend George, who he invites to bed when discovered burgling his studio, is found dead in his flat with huge amounts of booze in his system.
Just like the paintings, the life is tortured, twisted, full of pain - to which he is attracted - and violence.

Gary Roost starts out with lipstick and mascara, but it is gone by the end, so much does he pull and push his face in a depiction of the agony seen in the pictures. Francis painted faces; he didnt do landscapes. He did people ; The Pope, a Crucifixion, Lucien Freud, many others and himself.
The monologue ends with Roost explaining Bacon was trying to paint your insides outside.
He has been performing the play for so long now it propels forth like a brakeless train. There are many wonderful tales of debauchery; his account of the war years was particularly good fun. Air warden Bacon taking advantage of every air raid to fill his pockets and try his luck with whoever he may happened to have encountered. Francis was always gay, it was never in doubt. There is a lovely tribute to Maeve, the landlady of the Colony Club. She dies and Francis misses her terribly. He is consoled by something she once told him;
"You see Francis, I dont give a fuck about art. But i love you Francis, and I love the woman in you !"
One of the great things about living in London, is you can see a play like this one night. Next day, you can go to Tate Britain, and gaze at the Bacon Tryptych displayed on the first floor you have just heard so much about. All for less than the price of a pint at The French House.

Free museums

The state of London's museums #1 Imperial War Museum - 29-02-16

I am disappointed with the refurbished Imperial War Museum. There seems to be a worrying trend of dumbing down museums, the new part of the National Maritime Museum in Greenwich is similar. Low in detail, big on interactive features and large print in the information cards and text based displays. OK, people dont want to read reams of print, but there is a tricky balance that curators have to deal with. The worst thing possible is to talk down to your visitors, as if they are all children with zero knowledge of the subject matter. The IWM has been stripped of many exhibits, I especially missed the basement labyrinth of displays regarding WW2. Its pretty much all gone. There is less of everything, except space. The Lee Miller exhibition is a delight, but it ends soon - the permanent displays are disappointing. Having said that, its great its still free. Here's hoping it, and many of London's great museums, remain so.

We Talk - London English conversation
Proposed new group will meet every week at different museums and galleries that are free to enter.
We will take a walk around for 45 minutes or so, and then have a drink and conversation in English.
Everyone is welcome, as long as you can converse in English and are open minded.
You must be able to discuss matters with people who think differently to you.
Politics and religion are banned as subjects for discussion.
Groups will be led by native English speakers who are well educated and may be teachers

get in touch via pbudgie12@gmail.com if you want to get involved

Men - How to judge their age

How to judge a middle aged man's age - 7-02-16

How old are these men, or a better question, what year were they born? No idea? Then look for the following clues in their conversation...

There are a few give aways i would suggest those who trawl Tinder, or suspect a man is being economic with the truth when he says he's 39, should look out for. Football, books, travel, TV and comedy. Heres how it works...

Football - dont switch off when a man starts to talk soccer - it can give you loads of info.
World Cup - If he remembers England winning the World Cup, he is at least 55. The great day for our nation was in 1966, so i think the age of 5 is a reasonable time to say "yes i remember it ". If he fought in the war, that was 1945, he is in his 90s, at least.
Chelsea - CFC won the FA cup in 1970. Many Chelsea fans started supporting them in that year , so if this is mentioned they are well into their 50s.
Arsenal - Gooners glory years were just after the CFC v Leeds final. In 1971 they triumphed over Liverpool 2-1 in what was probably the best final of the glory years, although Sunderland supporters would dispute the point. Charlie George , a most old fashioned type of smoking and drinking professional, scored the Arsenal winner with a shot from outside the box and lay on his back to celebrate. That team had the mothers favourite and TV pundit Bob Wilson in goal. Similar age group - in their 50s.
West Ham - only won stuff in the 60s , most fans who were there are 60 +.
Spurs - Tottenham havent won anything for years, if the chap starts saying he was there when spurs won the Cup in 81, 91, etc, dont believe a word he says, he's a bullshitter.

Books - this is a tough one and the following generalisations aren't necessarily true, so pinch of salt etc...
George Orwell, Graham Greene, John Fowles, Carlos Castaneda, F Scott Fitzgerald, Evelyn Waugh, Hunter S Thompson. It strikes me these writers have fallen out of fashion. In the 60s and 70s everyone at least read Orwell, even if they didnt love him. Any English A Level student would be able to talk about Animal Farm and 1984. Greenes Brighton Rock was another novel everyone had read. The rest of the list was not so de rigeur, but Fowles and Castaneda are fairly hippy type writers, so if they are mentioned, your companion is nearing 60, at least. Waugh was old fashioned by the 70s, but Hunter S Thompson was the coolest writer of the time. Everybody's favourite book was Fear and Loathing in Las Vegas. Fans of this are probably 50 +.

Travel - it was different in the 70s. People used to hitch-hike.A phrase like "we hitched all over Europe following The Ramones" isnt as preposterous as it may sound. Similarly;"we hitched across Europe and met in The Pudding Shop" was commonly heard until Midnight Express came out and no westerner went to turkey for the next 20 years.People also went to Goa, especially in the hippy era. If the person you are examining has hippy tendencies, likes Bob Dylan and goes misty eyed at a whiff of patchouli, they were probably born in 1950, making them 66. the punk era had a saying - never trust a hippy. If the man saw the Sex Pistols gig at Central St Martins, or The Clash tour in 1977, they would have been at least 15, making them mid 50s now. The Iron Curtain existed until 1989, as did Checkpoint Charlie. Anyone who went to East Berlin is not only interesting and worth talking to, they are not necessarily old.

TV - children's TV is one of the best ways to judge someones age. In the 60s, French programmes dubbed into English ruled. Belle & Sebastian, White Horses - great theme tune btw - Flashing Blade, were all super cool among 4 year olds in the 60s. If these make for misty eyed memories, you are looking at someone in their 50s. Animal Magic, Daktari, Banana Splits, Jackanory, Tiswas, Blue Peter all had followers. The hards in the playground only liked Tiswas because there was something about Sally James they liked, they just couldnt articulate what it was.

Comedy - the best indicator - The Goons & Hancocks Half Hour appealed to those born in 1950. Prince Charles' age group. Monty Python was a 70s show, so fans were born in 1960 or after. The Two Ronnies and Morecombe & Wise were big in the 70s, so again, appealled to those in their 50s now. Rick Mayall, Ben elton and The Young Ones crew came later, so now we are probably talking to a 40 year old. The Inbetweeners is strictly for teenagers, so youve landed someone who's never grown up and expect a selfish adolescent in the behaviour department.

Physical Appearance - hair gives you no clues. Hands maybe, teeth are a possible, but its easy to look young nowadays. You cant fake your memories though.

If said individual fails to mention any of the above, it means one of two things. Either he really is as young as he claims to be, or he was brought up abroad.

David Bowie - all the young dudes will always be trying to catch up

David Bowie - Superstar 07-01-16

Ever since I was 9, and the cocky red haired dude with a blue guitar sang about Starman on TOTP, David Bowie has been there in my consciousness. He embodied all that was new, cool, clever and different. Even after Let's Dance and his straight, money making years that followed the incredible 70s, a decade of untold creativity, he was still top of the pile. The number 1 dude. Mott the Hoople got lucky the day David gave them the song. As did so many
thers who benefited from his generosity of intellect. Iggy Pop, Lou Reed & Lulu, Reeves Gabriel, Earl Slick, Carlos Alomar and Brian Eno, Queen, Luther Vandross, Rick Wakeman, Tony Visconti. Do you see ? It's always the collaborator who benefits from working with Bowie, in reputation and financially.

No-one got more from David than Iggy. He was the washed up singer everybody in the music business avoided when David visited New York and found him in a mess. There was so much more to David Bowie than everyone else. A genius isn't just ahead of the rest, he creates what they've never even thought of. Other people's opinions are of no interest, the genius knows what he likes and what he values. Like Lou Reed, Bowie saw past the the drug habit to the talent that just needed help to be unleashed. Raw Power was the first output of the collaboration. But who could have ever predicted a record as innovative as The Idiot was in Iggy, as well as the amazing energy of Lust for Life, released on RCA - David's record label - just a few years after a sojourn in Berlin together. Watching them being interviewed on American TV by some middle aged ladies is a great joy, as is Iggy's performance of Funtime and Sister Midnight, with David on keyboards, backing vocals and a caring eye on the singer.

Another great joy to be found on YouTube is the Young Americans performance with Luther Vandross leading the super hard working backing singers. The second song performed is called Footstomping, which metamorphises into Fame by the time the LP is released, Bowie having spent a recording session with John Lennon. What a bizarre volte face this soul album seemed when released, following those three rock LPs that established him as a star; Ziggy Stardust, Aladdin Sane and Diamond Dogs. Us teenage boys hated it ! But now its my favourite LP. Same goes with Low and Heroes, those super masterpieces that were so far ahead of their time, most of us were just confused by them. Now the side 2s are my favourite ambient albums ever !

He gave us so much, the top 100 books list he did was fabulously eclectic, intellectual, arty and confusing. Like him, so far ahead us followers take years to catch up! Thank you David - from all Iggy, Lou and Eno fans .

Top Ten Bowie tracks
Golden years
Fascination,
Lady Grinning Soul / Aladdin Sane
Subterraneans
Warsawa
Ashes to Ashes
John I'm Only Dancing
Be My Wife
Changes
Queen Bitch

The Revenant - put your house on it winning Oscars

The Oscars 2016 - nothing can get close to The Revenant

They will need a supermarket trolley to cart them off to the afterparty

The Revenant is bound to sweep up awards at this year's Oscar ceremony. I really cannot see anyone beating Leo DiCaprio for best actor or director Alejandro Inarritu - already a Hollywood golden boy with Birdman, Biutiful, Babel and Amoros Perros in his cv. This movie grips you by the throat from minute 1 and rarely lets the pressure off the choke hold of tension and fear created by a brutal, merciless Native Indian attack on the white men gathering animal skins for profit in the wonderful, developing opening scene. The viewer's heart rate may be driven to critical levels when our hero makes the (near) fatal error of getting between a grizzly bear and its cub. This scene is a wonder of modern film making and new technology. The enormous grizzly has Leo in its claws and teeth and treats him like a rag doll. When the huge head investigates the tiny human's face you cannot believe this is not a real interaction and anything - probably gory - may happen next.

The suffering just goes from bad to dire in the new Frontier for the mainman,Hugh Glass played by DiCaprio. He even gets a hole in his throat which he self-cauterizes by lighting gun powder and burning straw directly onto it. The agonies go on and on. Needless to say the Native Americans (Red Indians in the old days) are merciless scalpers of most white men, although the French seem to have a better dialogue - go figure. Innaritu excels with his epic shots of snow capped mountains, icy rivers, rapids and waterfalls, and the wildlife as I have mentioned is superb. With a fabulously nasty performance by Tom Hardy as best support - bet on it - and Domhall Gleeson also excelling as the honourable soldier in charge of the American forces, Will Poulter also does good work in adverse conditions, The Revenant should be seen at the best screen you can find it at. The top 3 Oscars are odds on already won, best female it will not win; there are not many women in this one.